i need a hug.
i had a dream last night. i was pregnant. with a fetus that wasn’t doomed.
i’ve never had a dream where i was pregnant before.
i woke up confused, but with a crazy kind of hope.
i am drunk & tired & cold & depressed. i am broke & jaded & sick & sad.
& i am bleeding, bleeding, bleeding cos i’m dumb, dumb, dumb and i still seek false solace in sharp blades & thin skin.
my brain is a beautiful monster.
i am proud i’ve survived, in spite of, because of, it all.
pour me more wine, baby, i’ll be okay.
1. Suicide does sometimes feel like the answer. I get that, I feel that often. Please don’t kill yourself, though. Message me if you want. I’ll help you.
2. Sometimes you really can’t get out of bed to even get a glass of water, that’s ok. You can lay in bed and cry or scream into your pillow or whatever, it’s OK.
3. Sure, washing your hair is nice. Sometimes you need to wallow a little bit and just not shower. I can guarantee you that whenever you decide you want to shower or bathe, it’s gonna feel awesome so just do it when you’re comfortable.
4. Yes, you should eat something. If you can’t make something or afford to have food, you can ask me or someone else to order you something.
5. Harming yourself happens. It’s ok if you relapse. We all have, sometimes there are longer stretches between relapses. Just, be safe when you harm— sterilize everything before and after if you can. Personally, I like to take scalding hot showers— it’s kind of grounding in the way that harming has been for me in the past.
6. You’re smoking cigarettes to cope? That’s ok, you could be doing much worse. Sometimes you have to just sit out there in the cold and have a smoke just to feel OK. That’s alright.
7. If you don’t feel like talking to anybody, that’s ok. Make a personal blog you don’t tell anybody about and just write away, post pictures, anything. Sometimes it’s nice to get it out.
8. Listen to whatever you want, watch whatever you want.
9. It’s ok to still be in love with whoever you’re in love with if they don’t love you back. It’s going to hurt for a while to see them move on and see other people but it will all get better eventually. When I say eventually, I honestly don’t know when but there’s hope.
10. You don’t have to listen to me at all because my situations are different from yours.
A bisexual woman who is monogamously married to a man is still bisexual. The nature of her sexual attraction hasn’t changed; she still finds women attractive even if she doesn’t pursue relationships with them because she’s in a monogamous partnership. If she’s in a relationship with another woman and the two are monogamous, she still finds men attractive, though again, it’s more of an aesthetic appreciation than an actionable attraction. Your sexuality isn’t dependent on who you are partnered to at any given time, but your overall experience of your own sexuality; thus, a woman who says she is bisexual is bisexual whether or not she is in a relationship, regardless of who she is dating.
tho i don’t identify as “bisexual” (i’m QUEER) i feel this so hard.